Feel

Was beginning to feel cursed, wasted…losing faith in relationships
But then the police can only escort a man away from the home of his children
So many times before he starts to feel that way about shit
Thinking in my soul I know there has to be much better than this
And sitting in that prison cell long enough can also play mind tricks
I mean, how many times can a man stand a woman disrespecting his mother on her own doorstep
before he flips
Or how many times will he refrain from just turning up and breakin’ the door down when she says
no…you can’t see your kids
Disturbing the peace
But where is the peace in keeping a father from his child and a child from its dad
Especially when a mother knows that’s something she can’t give
Not to mention something she herself may’ve never even had
But too often when a woman feels hurt, when a woman feels scorned
What baby might need and feel ain’t really the real issue at hand
It’s more like what is the best weapon I have to hurt this man
Like he hurt me
How dare he leave me
Don’t care if he loves his child, he ain’t gonna see this baby
And there’s me…
Young 23, wild and crazy
Dusting off my fatigues and dessert boots from my solo expedition
Egyptian sun still in my braids, skin glistenin’, nile water still in my system
4 years down the road, Virginia heat can’t compare
And what I’ve been envisioning is clear
As I’m repositioning
Sitting in your passenger seat, and sweetness, I don’t think you’re listening
When I say I’m a stranger here
That I have never felt like this
You came out of nowhere
Unknowingly restoring my faith in relationships
And I know we’ve both had our fair share of crazy shit
That’s how I know exactly how this feels for you
When you say you’re scared of disappointment
But nothing is certain and our tomorrow is not promised
So let’s just share the enjoyment
And to be honest
I’ve been looking forward to today, us being here together again
You are an extraordinary person
I see myself in you, I feel like you understand me
And I want us to be more than friends
And I don’t care if that might sound cliché
But these are some of the things I’ve been only waiting to say
Since our date, on the train, on the bus, at the show
How do I explain
To a woman I really barely even know
That I can hear and read her pain
That I’m beginning to believe there’s more to our connection and it’s real
How do I too let go of the fear and the pride, of all the layers and the lies to tell you
This…is how I feel.

Published by

THE POET PHOENIX JAMES

THE POET PHOENIX JAMES is a British-born, award-winning poet, author, spoken word recording artist, and multidisciplinary creator whose dynamic career spans literature, performance, film, fashion, music, and independent media. Widely recognised for fearless expression and genre-defying artistry, Phoenix James has built a powerful creative legacy that bridges page, stage, studio, screen, and digital platforms. He is a pioneer of live spoken word performance in the UK before the era of camera phones, and is known as a foundational figure in the UK and global spoken word movements. He is often mentioned alongside pioneering spoken word artists like Linton Kwesi Johnson, Benjamin Zephaniah, Jean ‘Binta’ Breeze, Patience Agbabi, Lemn Sissay and Salena Godden for his foundational contributions to the UK’s live poetry and spoken word scene. MONIKER AND EARLY CAREER Early in his career in 1998, Phoenix James performed and released work under the moniker Phenzwaan, a name associated with several of his earliest spoken word albums and recordings. This period marked the foundation of his evolving artistic voice and experimentation within the spoken word and poetry scene. WRITER & POET Phoenix James is the author of 20 published books, exploring love, identity, vulnerability, power, masculinity, and spiritual and philosophical inquiry. His first limited edition printed poetry collection, To Whom It May Concern, was published in 2003. His work spans poetry, prose, philosophy, essays, and creative storytelling. His available book titles include, in order of publication: Love, Sex, Romance & Other Bad Things Route to Destruction Delirium of the Wise Don’t Let the Daffodils Fool You Call Me When You’re Free Far from the Outside The Ones We Didn't Kill Lessons from Everywhere Another One for Burning A Long Bright Cold Dark Summer Shame Point Zero The Sandbag Theory Soft, Sexy & Wet Below Base Level To Catch A Passing UFO Now We're Truly Beautiful We All Should Be Amazed Before When It's Time Amidst Time That Waits Time As Always Was SPOKEN WORD RECORDING ARTIST Phoenix James has released 18 spoken word albums, crafting sonic experiences that blend poetry, music, ambient textures, and emotion-driven performance. His current albums include, in order of release: Phenzwaan Now & Forever: The Definitive Collection A Patchwork Remedy for A Broken Melody FREE Haven for the Tormented With All That Said Remixes Vol: 1 Remixes Vol: 2 Light Beams from the Void The Love So Far Early CD Album Releases: Phoenix James released a number of CD albums between 2000 and 2006 under his early moniker Phenzwaan. These include, in order of their release: The A.R.T.I.S.T. (debut album) Meditations of A Cosmic Wordsmith We Will Survive Phenzwaan Live @ The Spitz Inevitable Mystique Like A Phoenix Alchemy Fluid Vol: 1 Alchemy Fluid Vol: 2 Solidified These early works represent his foundational spoken word and musical expressions prior to the digital era, showcasing his pioneering contributions and artistic evolution. With over 1,000 videos on his YouTube channel and more than 70 spoken word singles available on streaming platforms including YouTube Music, Spotify, Apple Music, and Amazon Music, Phoenix James' work continues to influence global audiences through digital distribution. FILM & TELEVISION Phoenix James made his first BBC television appearance performing poetry in 2004, marking an important step in bringing spoken word poetry to broader audiences through mainstream media. Since then, he has appeared in and worked on several high-profile international film and television productions, including: Skyfall (James Bond) Star Wars: The Force Awakens Guardians of the Galaxy Mission: Impossible Cleanskin Multiple BBC dramas and documentaries He has also written, directed, and produced independent films, such as the acclaimed mock-documentary Love Freely but Pay for Sex, which further solidifies his legacy in independent media. FASHION & MODELLING Awarded Best Male Model by Fashion TV in 2007, Phoenix James has worked in editorial, runway, and brand campaigns that blend storytelling with style and presence. COMMUNITY, COMMENTARY & LEGACY Phoenix James has produced live events, hosted spoken word showcases, and delivered workshops empowering creative voices. Beyond creation, Phoenix James nurtures emerging voices and preserves his artistic legacy for future generations. As a cultural commentator and philosopher, his work interrogates themes of intimacy, race, masculinity, freedom, and creative autonomy. ACADEMIC & EDUCATIONAL INFLUENCE Phoenix James’ work is used in academic institutions and educational establishments around the world for teaching, research, and cultural study. His writng, philosophy, poetry, recordings and performances are referenced in courses on modern literature, race and identity, spoken word history, and performance art. His contributions continue to be studied for their originality, social commentary, and cultural significance. LASTING IMPACT Phoenix James continues to champion self-publishing, ensuring full creative ownership and artistic freedom. His ongoing project, The Complete Works, is dedicated to archiving and preserving his vast creative output for future generations. His legacy is built not only on the impact of his words and work but on the pioneering spirit that made space for others to follow. Phoenix James is an unstoppable ecosystem of fearless creative expression, a living, breathing force, documenting the beauty, relentless struggle, and uncompromising raw humanity of a life unfiltered. Phoenix James lives in London, England and enjoys movies, music, plays, good food, long walks, and travelling. Sign up to his website Newsletter Mailing List to stay up to date with Phoenix James news and new releases. View all posts by THE POET PHOENIX JAMES